Librarian Dude: Hello, I’m a Librarian.
Archivist Guy: [Enters scene pushing a cart with a large mechanical device on it] ....And I’m an Archivist.
LD: Whoa-ho, Archivist, what do you have there?
AG: This, my Librarian friend, is the Super Ultra Air Purifier Ionizer.
LD: That is awesome, Archivist. I'm really impressed.
AG: Why thank you, Librarian. You see, every few days—more times than I care to admit, actually—the facilities department forgets there are archivists working in our windowless rooms and often shut off the air ventilation system.
AG: Yes, it gets pretty bad when you’re surrounded by dusty material. The burning eyes, stuffy nose, headache, nausea, flu-like symptoms – it ain’t a pretty sight, as they say.
LD: Well, why don’t you start up the machine?
AG: Good idea! [Flicks switch. Motor roars like an air plane engine]
LD: [Shouts above noise] Wow! That’s strong, Archivist!
AG: [Shouts above noise] Breathe in the fresh, ionized air, Librarian!
LD: [Shouts above noise] Hey, hey, Archivist, the private papers you were accessioning are blowing down the hallway. Shut off the machine!
AG: I can’t! I can’t! [Runs after papers, exits scene. Heard in the distance.] Stop, come back. Don’t step on those; they’re not garbage!
[Fade to black]
The horror....the horror.