Just when I thought it was safe, I saw another Archivist ad transcript hit my inbox. My anonymous source continues to feed me these transcripts, even though I have yet to actually see the ads that parody Apple's Get a Mac advertising campaign featuring a Mac and PC personified.
This ad is titled "Look Ma...no sunlight." Sunlight, archives, meh...I can relate.
Librarian Dude: Hello, I’m a Librarian.
Archivist Guy: [Enters scene holding large yellow box; places it on floor] And I’m an Archivist.
LD: What do you have there, Archivist?
AG: It’s a little gift from the Administration.
LD: Cool. What is it?
AG: It’s the "Artificial Sunlight Lamp - 300 watts of Vitamin D,” says right here on the box
LD: I see that. But what’s the reason for all this?
AG: It’s kind of a long story, but essentially Administration had promised us a new room with windows since our current work area has absolutely no windows and therefore no sunlight. Anyway, that plan did not fall through because some other department had quote-unquote priority. Whatever that means.
AG: Yep, so instead of us working under oppressive fluorescent bulbs all day long, and basking in the glow of our lovely LCD monitors, the fine people in Administration bought us this Artificial Sunlight Lamp.
AG: Yesiree! They even threw in sunglasses, a pair for all staff members.
AG: By the way, Librarian, do you know what department got that room?
LD: Oh you mean that large corner office with the floor to ceiling windows that overlooks the park and football field beyond, and at 3:15 sharp in the afternoon a beautiful shaft of golden sunlight pours in? That one?
AG: Yes, that one…
LD: Ahem, don’t have a clue.
[Fade to black]